"Living the Dream"

While checking out at the BX today (it had been a week since I was there so I consider that a small victory) and as the cashier rang up my items.  I asked him how he was doing and he responded with “Living the Dream ma’am.”  Obviously if you were there with me you would have sensed and heard the sarcasm dripping from that answer.

Funny enough though, I wasn’t offended.  I knew exactly how this guy felt and wanted to say that to him.  Luckily I am at the point while living here that I can focus my attention in a more positive manner.(Not today unfortunately)  

My dream was to move to Germany and have a full assignment as a honeymoon.  Who was I kidding?  I am not totally naive here people…and you can laugh as you read this just like I am as I write it.  I should have known better that this was never going to be an easy move and wouldn’t just get better with the snap of my fingers.

I will be honest; I went to counseling to get back in my skin…to be the independent person that I was.  Get out there socially.  Find work and be happy to be teaching again.  Learn how to drive a stick and feel confident.  To go and do things by myself just like I did in Tampa.  It is now close to 6 months later and I am doing all of those things and I still don’t really feel any better. 

Maybe today is just a bad day…or there have been more little bumps that are turning into a small mound.  It happens.  I am human.  I am trying to cope.

I am craving Starbucks after seeing everyone post that the pumpkin spiced latte is back.   I want to use my lasagna pan.   I want to hug my friends and realize that I am being silly.  I just don’t want to feel lonely.